By Layne Hunters
It's nice to know that the days of boring, non-flavored condoms stuck in your wallet or glove compartment are long gone. It's even nicer to know that scientists are hard at work developing condom flavors that don't taste like you're sucking the inside of a proctologist's glove. I bring you the:
WORLD'S WEIRDEST CONDOM FLAVORS
J&D's Bacon Condoms
From the company who brought the world bacon flavored lube, J&D's Bacon Flavored Condoms adds a meaty flavor to your man meat. Not only does it taste like bacon, it also looks like a piece of pork. It's the perfect jimmy-hat for when you're banging a shiksa.
Moods Coffee Condoms
These condoms bring back memories of going down on a chick in the bathroom at a Starbucks. (The girl didn't even spell my name right on my latte!). Unfortunately, her pussy didn't taste like a Caramel Macchiato, but maybe basic chicks will be all over your dick if you have one of these.
McCondom Whiskey Flavored Condoms
I'm all for people doing what they want to do with their lives, but if you need someone to use a whiskey-flavored condom, you might be an alcoholic. The name also sounds like something you can buy in a men's room at a McDonald's in Japan.
These marijuana flavored condoms come from the glorious land of legal weed and prostitutes: Amsterdam. Girls at Burning Man will love to toke with you.
Chicken Soup Flavored Condoms
You know those awful books your grandmother probably reads called, "Chicken Soup for the Soul"? Well, how does chicken soup for your cock sound? Leave it to the Japanese for a rubber to taste like (I'm assuming) one of those MSG-loaded, chicken flavored Ramen packets.
Karex Durian Flavored Condoms
Do you want your cock to smell and taste like rotting onions stuck in a gym sock left in a locker since the Clinton administration? If your answer is yes, then head over to Malaysia where the disgusting fruit is now available in condom-form. Durians smell so bad that they are banned from mass transit in Singapore. That’s exactly what you’re looking for when picking out flavored rubbers.
Cola Flavored Condoms
The Cola flavored condom reminds me of the shitty Halloween candy at the bottom of the bucket. It’s always the last one to be taken and it never gets used or eaten. Is it Coke? Is it Pepsi? I don’t even think it’s RC.
The Stinking Rose Garlic Condoms
The perfect condom to ward off vampires from sucking your cock. In fact, I think if you use a Stinking Rose Garlic rubber, you’ll probably ward off anyone who wants to go down on you.
Layne Hunters is a Boston born, certified organic, tomboy femme lesbian. When she's not creating smut for us, she's producing and writing films (of the non-humping variety). She has worked as a blogger for numerous websites, and as a copywriter for the wine and spirits industry. Yes, she can get free booze. No, she will not hook you up. Listen to her shenanigans at hourofthunder.podomatic.com