Words by Vuko

Climbing into an Uber for the first time is a lot like going on a blind date. The only main differences between the two are a) you arrange this activity for yourself instead of being set-up by a friend and b) the odds of it ending up wth some sex are even lower than if you were on an actual date. I will be going over some of the similarities between a ride in the backseat of a stranger’s car and a ride in an Uber. See what I did there? Stay with me:

Much like blind dating, sometimes when you get into an Uber you will notice an initial odor. Sometimes this odor is that of a handsome man with a good job who loves his mother. Other times the car smells more like a dumpster fire fueled by a criminal record and the inability to commit.

Once you’ve gotten past the initial greeting then you get to find out if you’ve landed a talker or the strong silent type.  With the chattier drivers, the small talk doesn’t differ much from a blind date with standard banter like, “Are you originally from here?” or the classic “So what do you do for work?” I tend to avoid truthfully answering the second question as it then opens the door to a whole world of annoying adult industry-related question including, but not limited to, “Do you perform?”, “Why not?”, “What’s she/he like in person?”, and my personal favorite, “Are you hiring?” It never hurts to ask, right?

Often at the end of the ride/date there are the awkward farewells. If your short experience together was a pleasant one then you find yourself walking away with a smile while pulling out your phone in order to leave a five star review on the app. This, of course, would be the Uber world version of texting your best friend post date to let her know that “OMG this dude is the tits!” On the other side, there is the dreaded one star review. Did he drive like a maniac? Play Hanson the entire ride? Did he order too many drinks and end up getting sloppy? It happens.

No matter how good or bad your encounter may have been at least you can walk away from it knowing that you now have a fun or potentially boring story to tell your friends. If you happen to be one of the less fortunate individuals who does end up with a dud of a driver or date then you should rest easy knowing that it will be over in about an hour and you never have to see the person ever again.