Words by Seth's Beard
In the late evening hours across the great Canadian Plains, even as the final votes were being tallied, the consensus had already been unanimously reached around the globe – Justin Trudeau, Canada's newest Prime Minister, was now able to lay claim as the NEW reigning sexiest politician in the world. He had the youthful looks, the confident exuberance, eyebrows on fleek, his father, former Canadian P.M. Pierre Elliott Trudeau's brash charm, and, oh yeah, he was just named the FUCKING PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA. If you're one of those who view power as sexy then that, my friend, is just the cream on an already poutine-filled crop.
When we think of politicians we tend to think of uppity rich white people with bad comb-overs or perms and the personality of a creepy grandparent your parents bribe you into saying hi to on the phone. But that's not always the case, and thankfully Mr. Trudeau's sudden emergence as Prime Minister of DAMN! (I just made that up) has finally given exposure to those leaders and government officials who want to be known for their brawn and not just their brains (how dare we mentally objectify them like that). This is the dawning of a golden era we haven't seen since JFK gave a personal State of the Union to Marilyn Monroe's genitals in Bing Crosby's guesthouse. Here is a list of some of the sexiest politicians around the globe starting with...
Maria is an Italian politician who is currently the Minister for Equal Opportunity. Oh, did I mention she's also a former topless model and showgirl? Like most hot politicians, Maria once participated in the Miss Italy contest back in 1997 and finished sixth. Fast-forward through her time nude modeling and invitations to be in erotic films to 2004 when she decided she wanted to be in politics, inheriting the responsibility of the women's movement for the political part Forza Italia (now known as the People of Freedom). There have also been rumors for years of her torrid secret love-affair with former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who once claimed, "If I was not already married I would have married her immediately.”
You simply know Vladdy is going to be on every “sexiest politician” list the moment that photo of him riding a horse – topless – hit the interwebs. Sure he might be one of the most despised people in the world and doesn't exactly have a glowing approval rating among the people in Mother Russia who DON'T want to get shot and killed, but his stone-cold demeanor akin to James Bond along with his “I don't care about anyone but myself” cockiness just oozes Machismo.
The current Attorney General of Florida has the look of an older Jennie Garth circa 1992's Beverly Hills 90210 and has the same naïve spoiled upper-class views. As an extremely conservative Republican and member of the Tea Party, she fits all the criteria of those parties and then some. She's hella anti-gay marriage, hella anti-marijuana, and totally hella pro-guns. She's also no stranger to showing bad judgement based on the fact she's been divorced twice and once refused to return a dog rescued after Hurricane Katrina to its family, leading that family to sue her. The combination of Florida and bad choices means she's a living, breathing spring break. She was also once voted best looking Attorney General in a TMZ poll so there's something else for the Conservative Women Of Politics calendar.
This Conservative Presidential hopeful has the dashing smile and boyish charm if you're into that kind of thing. He's also the kind of guy a daughter would introduce to her parents before ditching him down the street to hang out with the motorcycle driving rebel that her parents absolutely forbid her from ever seeing again.
Sabine is a former Dutch politician as a member of the Christian Democratic Appeal in the Netherlands, but more importantly, her long-flowing blond locks and mischievous smile makes her a worthy inclusion on this very prestigious list. She's actually somewhat out of the politics game right now, as that would have just interfered with her ability to compete on the fifth season of Holland's version of The Voice along with the continued progression of her own rock cover band called Spider Rock, which, one would assume only performs rock variations of the hit song Hocus Pocus by Focus.
Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck
The Wangchucker as he's probably known, became King of Bhutan after his father abdicated the throne, WHEN HE WAS 26 YEARS OLD! Yes, the Wangster became a King before most of us find a real job. He also lives in a place called the House Of Wangchuck, so it's either a really bitchin Japanese Steak House or a mythological palace from National Lampoon's Animal House. Sadly, the King of Wang got married a few years back, but some women find the inclusion of a ring and a sound commitment even sexier, so that tidbit of info may move him up the list for some.
Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner
Apparently the current President of Argentina is commonly referred to as CFK, which is a real honor when you're a world leader and only known by your initials. To me it oozes sex as I can only think of three other world leaders who were primarily known by their initials and all were absolute and unequivocal sex symbols – JFK, LBJ and RR (Ronald Reagan). In 2015 she was ranked by Forbes as the 16th most powerful woman in the world, 5 ahead of the woman they call Queen Bey.
The current Lieutenant Governor of California and former Mayor of San Francisco has all the debonair of a JFK Jr. but, unlike the late, younger Kennedy, Newsom was actually a productive member of society (no offense to John-John's Emmy-worthy guest spot as himself - sort of - on Murphy Brown). He's controversial, ambitious and apparently quite the womanizer, which dispels the rumors of his sexuality. He's also the second cousin of hipster fave Joanna Newsom, so he can totally get you into cool sold-out shows in the Bay area.
The problem is that my visual of the former Governor of Alaska is always going to be that of Lisa Ann portraying her in a porno, but in reality Sarah Palin is actually quite sexy in a completely batshit insane way. She's got sass and spunk and you just KNOW based on how excitable she gets that behind closed doors she's a freak. Maybe it's the glasses or the usual librarian attire, either way she can easily be fantasized as the innocent bookkeeper or the closeted domme. Have you been a bad boy today? You betcha!
Lastly, but certainly not least, Harold is an attorney and 2-time Republican candidate for the 13th congressional district seat in the state of Illinois. Oh yeah, she's also MISS AMERICA 2003!! A very Conservative Republican (it seems like the hottest politicians are the most conservative, doesn't it?), Harold graduated from Harvard Law after her successful run in the world of pageantry (she was also Miss Illinois 2002), and immediately began lobbying for changes. While she was unsuccessful in her most recent bid to become the first black Republican woman to serve in Congress, many have since tried to change the election process to include a swimsuit portion to the competition.