by Lee Roy Myers

I haven't seen The Interview. Neither have you. Therefore, it would be extremely difficult to make a porn parody of that movie. Trust me. I have made almost sixty porn parodies in my career, and I had to watch the original television shows and movies in order to spoof them. I even watched The Big Bang Theory. I would not have watched it if I did not have to.

How could I possibly comment on a movie that I haven't seen? I couldn't. If “The Interview” fell in a forest, nobody would hear, because forests across America are canceling all forest showings of The Interview and therefore nobody could properly parody it.

But, I have seen James Franco and Seth Rogen interviews. So, I can parody them and their relationship. I present to you THAT parody, The Inter-screw.

FADE IN:

INT. JAMES FRANCO'S BEACH HOUSE – MORNING

Porn James Franco (James Deen type) inhales smoke from his boutique silver bong that he has nicknamed “Robobong 2” due to its sleek metallic coating and his un-ironic appreciation of Robocop 2. He keeps inhaling. He inhales some more. His eyes roll back in his head due to the muscular strain of the continuous inhalation of weed smoke. Porn Seth Rogen (heavier James Deen type) just stares at his friend who is still inhaling.

PORN SETH ROGEN
Hey man, save some for your fucking Jewish friends.

Porn James Franco stops inhaling. He removes the bong hole from his lips and keeps his mouth closed, just letting the smoke work its way through his knowledge. Porn Seth just stares at Porn James in amazement.

PORN SETH ROGEN
That's fucking amazing! Fuck!

Porn James Franco just smiles, not opening his mouth, just curving it upwards. Finally he opens it slowly and releases an immense amount of smoke. It flows and flows. Porn Seth is still amazed.

PORN SETH ROGEN
Holy fuck! It looks like you just elected a new pope!

Porn James Franco evicts the last of the smoke that's been hanging out in his system.

PORN JAMES FRANCO
Let's make a movie about North Korea!

Porn Seth Rogen laughs a strange, yet likeable stoner laugh. Porn James Franco giggles and then brushes his teeth.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

INT. CIA – DAY

Porn James Franco and Porn Seth Rogen are still laughing.

CIA Agents, Jackson (African-American Male, 40's) and Agent Vanessa(Female, mid-20's) stare in disbelief at their latest assignment, Porn James and Porn Seth.

INT. CIA – NIGHT

Porn James Franco and Porn Seth Rogen are still laughing. CIA Agents are still staring at them in disbelief.

PORN SETH ROGEN
Fuck. That's such a smart idea! You're so fucking smart! You're like a pot-smoking, good-looking version of that guy that draws Doonesbury.

PORN JAMES FRANCO
Aw. Thanks man. You too.

Porn James and Porn Seth look at each other. They smile as they share the moment.

JACKSON
Uh, you guys can go back to your weird fat guy-thin guy bromance in a minute, but right now I have to inform you that upon preparation of release of The Interview, Sony's computers have been hacked.

PORN JAMES FRANCO
What are you talking about? I just came up with the idea for that movie.

VANESSA
Uh, actually you already shot it and edited it about eight months ago. You've been standing here giggling and staring into each other's eyes for about two weeks now.

JACKSON
Yeah, you guys even took a break a week ago and did a press junket.

PORN SETH ROGEN
Is that what that was? Fuck.

PORN JAMES FRANCO
Can I make a documentary about it?

PORN SETH ROGEN
That's a fucking brilliant idea, man!

They smile at each other again.

JACKSON
No. You already shot it.

PORN JAMES FRANCO
(disappointed) Oh.

CUT TO:

INT. JAMES FRANCO'S BEACH HOUSE – THE NEXT MORNING

Porn James Franco & Porn Seth Rogen smoke from Robobong 2. The same thing happens as in scene one, except this time James kisses Seth.

PORN SETH ROGEN
(appreciative) What the fuck was that for?

PORN JAMES FRANCO
I saw your hacked email to Amy Pascal about how smart and good-looking you think I am.

They stare into each other's eyes. Deeply. They laugh. It gets annoying after the first few seconds.

SEX SCENE: PORN JAMES FRANCO & PORN SETH ROGAN & VANESSA

FADE OUT: