Happy New Year from the greatest adult website in the multiverse! We’ve got an insane amount of amazing things to show you in 2017 but we thought we’d start with an old fav: this month’s streaming mainstream smut! We’ve got tits & dongs, bits & thongs, plus lips & schlongs, oh my! From the most high profile sex-fests to the most beautiful b-movie butt-sluts, we’ve got you covered here at the ‘Rocket.  So grab a remote, and put on your beer goggles, because we’re about to give you your first real thrill of the New Year with what we proudly and loudly call:

SEXFLIX: The sexiest streaming movies & shows coming to NETFLIX, HBO GO, AMAZON PRIME, & HULU in January 2017

Boogie Nights (1997)
Oh sweet baby jesus in your magical spaceship, this movie is everything we’ve ever have asked for in terms of top-tier Hollywood naked nudity. You’ve got some of the most gorgeous actresses and actors banging-the-nasty and they all get down in their birthday suits to do so. Sure, Marky Mark’s funky bunch is a prosthetic, but I mean that’s like complaining about Dolly Parton’s breasts.  Julianne Moore: NUDE! Heather Graham: NAKED! Nina Hartley, Skye Blue, Summer Cumming: NOT SURPRISING IN THE SLIGHTEST, BUT STILL---TITTIES!
(Netflix– Jan 1st)

Beautiful Creatures (2000)
It’s hard to follow a film like Boogie; it’s a lot like the Beetles opening for your band. But while this flick doesn’t come close to the quantity of nudity displayed in the aforementioned movie, it makes up for it in quality. Case-in-point: the beautiful Rachel Weisz. It’s a grainy, black-and-white scene but she’s banging a dude and you get a glimpse at the goods. New Year voyeurs rejoice!
(HBO-GO – Jan 1st)

Blown Away (1992)
Around the office this film holds a special place in our hearts---and pants. Following a string of highly successful Hollywood movies in the ‘80s, the two Coreys, Feldmeister & Haimdog (they called themselves this, we did not make this up), inexplicably decided to star in some lower fare in the ‘90s. Enter the erotic thriller, Blown Away. The acting is shit, the story is shit, but one thing rises above. Nicole Eggert: oh-so-naked. Children of the ‘80s discovered Nicole on the cutting edge study of comedy, Charles in Charge, and followed her to the mind-expanding brilliance of Baywatch, but never in our wildest dreams did we think she would make a film where she bumped uglies with BOTH Coreys. It’s gift, folks, do yourself the favor.
(HULU – Jan 1st)

Vanilla Sky (2001)
Honestly a pretty decent flick. Dramatic Sci-fi thriller, anyone? It’s actually a remake of a clearly superior foreign film, and the only real holdover from the older film is Penelope Cruz in her reprisal of her previous role. Thankfully she shows her boobs in both versions.
(Netflix – Jan 1st)

Risky Business (1983)
To paraphrase Bob Seger “Just take them old titties off the shelf!” If you think that’s weird, let me also mention that around the office we call this movie, for absolutely no reason, Ricky Biscuits. But for serious, Rebecca De Mornay is high priced street-meat in this film and she (and stunner Francine Locke) get naked…and not just naked, Pussy-Naked! That’s right, the first Woodrocket Pussy-Naked award of 2017 is shared by both of these woman. Maybe we should call it Frisky Triscuits!
(HBO-GO – Jan 1st)

Trading Places (1983)
This film has Jaime Lee Curtis in it, and she gets nude, and it’s our first real look-- at her dick. OH! No that’s just an erroneous old rumor (right?!) but even if its not, Jaime still has one of the nicest racks we’ve ever seen on a man.
(HULU – Jan 1st)

Leaving Las Vegas (1999)
Nick Cage tries to commit suicide by drinking himself to death. That’s just a headline from today, but also he does that in this movie. The reason this one makes the list is the gorgeous Elizabeth Shue shows off her boobies—no, her Shuebies! We hate leaving Las Vegas, but we love Leaving Las Vegas.
(HULU – Jan 1st)

Cold Mountain (2003)
We had a hard time watching this one, and no, unfortunately that’s not a euphemism. But if you’re a Nicole Kidman fan (who isn’t?) and you haven’t seen Eyes Wide Shut (who has?) be sure to check out her in this snoozefest as she’s cold mountin’ some soldier dude (see what we did there?!).
(HBO-GO – Jan 1st)

Hot Tub time Machine (2010)
We laughed pretty damn hard in spite of ourselves at this super weird sci-fi comedy about a group of friends who use the titular hot tub to travel back to the ‘80s and revisit their “best times”.  It’s got the greatest Crispin Glover role since Back to the Future and it’s got our current indie crush, Lizzy Caplin, (who doesn’t get naked in this, but let us please direct you to the amazing Masters of Sex series for that) and it host a bevy of beautiful ladies who all bust out the boobs in the bath. We would name them off, but it’s a “who’s who” of “who-the-hell?” so simply trust us when we say you’re gonna enjoy your dip in this hottest of tubs.
(Amazon Prime – an 1st)

First 2017 Sexflix in the can! (again, not a euphemism) this year is gonna rock for the ‘Rocket and we’re so glad you’re here with us for the trip. We’ve got more mainstream nudity coming up in the month of love, so we’ll see you back here in February for some Valentines sexy sex! Until then, I’m Locke Van Kemp and I miss you already.

“Locke” is the writer of several nationally syndicated & critically acclaimed comic books, countless published short stories and the occasional questionable low budget movie. We at Woodrocket don't condone Locke's insanity, but we sure as hell enjoy reading it.