Welcome to the December Woodrocket Holiday Skin Extravaganza List - with absolutely ZERO holiday films! Hey, we don’t put the movies out, we just report on them. If it was up to us, Elves would be on the list but NOOO, Netflix thinks a movie about incest and killer gnomes wouldn’t play all too well to the Christmas crowd. We actually shoulda pitched the idea to HBO because it reads like a Game of Thrones synopsis. But we digress! Grab your candy cane and hunker down as we festively present:

SEXFLIX: The sexiest streaming movies & shows coming to NETFLIX, HBO GO, AMAZON PRIME, & HULU in December 2016

American Beauty (1999)
It’s got a slew of gorgeous women in it, Annette Bening, Thora Birch, and Allison Janney to name a few, but it's really all about Mena Suvari when it comes to making this list. It’s a beautifully shot scene when Mena busts out the puppies into a cascade of whirling roses, and we’d been waiting to see her au natural since the first time we watched American Pie. Come to think of it, if a ‘90s film had the word “American” in it you were gonna see tits.
(Netflix & HULU – Dec 1st)

Valley of the Dolls (1967)
A cautionary tale of Hollywood, this film features lots and lots of pill taking, Patty Duke in her undies, and most importantly for this list, a naked Sharon Tate. We tried to watch the whole thing, but man, it’s really old.
(Netflix – Dec 1st)

Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
We will screen anything with a Madonna soundtrack so obviously this film was a shoo-in for the office. If you ever want to boil the ‘80s down to roughly an hour-and-a-half this is your go-to flick! Plus it has sexy Madonna in her underwear (before she was transformed into a buff skeleton) and nude Rosanna Arquette in a bubble bath!
(HULU – Dec 1st)

Devil's Rejects (2005)
There are equal amounts of nudity and scariness in this film, and that’s saying a lot because this movie is frightening-as-fuck. We don’t think there is a single actress in the flick that doesn’t get naked in some way, but you’ll have to watch it and tell us for sure, because we closed our eyes in fear for a good portion of the film.
(HBO NOW – Dec 1st)

Friday the 13th parts 1-8 (1980-1989)
HULU offers the greatest gift of all this season with the entire run of the Voorhees family classics, Friday the 13th. Of course there is nudity in every single film because it’s one of the laws of Jason: if you fuck, you will die. And there is an amazing amount of fucking and death, which is of course preceded by an amazing amount of breasts and butts. We have a personal affinity for the young lady in Part Two who we’ve affectionately dubbed “Cheeks” thanks to the fantastically short daisy dukes that she wears. Now you too can enjoy yelling “Cheeks, watch out!” as she’s menaced by a bag-headed Jason (no hockey mask yet!).
Spoilers: Cheeks has sex.
(HULU – Dec 1st)

Private Parts (1997)
It is no surprise to anyone that if Howard Stern was going to make a movie, said film would have an insane amount of nudity in it. True to its title this candid look at the rise of the world’s most famous shock jock has more boobs, butt, and bush than you can shake a microphone at.
(HULU – November 1st)

Any Given Sunday (1999)
Now, we are the first to admit that if you want to see Saved By The Bell star Elizabeth Berkley naked, you would obviously go to 1995’s Showgirls. Unfortunately that movie is also unwatchably terrible. But Any Given Sunday is an Oliver Stone directed flick starring Al Pacino and Cameron Diaz and is pretty damn riveting-- PLUS has the full Berkley. So it’s your call, but we recommend you watch them both.
(HBO NOW – Dec 1st)

Love Island (2015)
It’s a German film about lesbians on an island. We don’t think we need to say much else.
(Amazon Prime – Dec 1st)

Caddyshack (1980)
Let’s end this list strong! Though it is not actually a Christmas film per se, we here at the WoodRocket offices consider it a must in our holiday watch-schedule. Written and starring what was at-the-time pretty much the entire National Lampoon troupe, this 1980 film is the precursor to every great raunchy comedy to follow. From its crude non-PC humor to its over-the-top visual gags, this flick is a study in what’s funny and the rising stars that pioneered the celluloid genre. Oh, and of course there’s terrific nudity from Cindy Morgan whose character is unapologetically named Lacey Underall.
(Amazon Prime – Dec 1st)

That’s it for this year! We hope your holiday season is filled with nudity and cheer, but if its not you can always join us right back here at Woodrocket.com for the gift that keeps on jizzing. We’ll see you in 2017 for the New Year’s list that’ll blow your party whistle straight. Until then, I’m Locke Van Kemp and I miss you already.