We’re back! We know that your remote finger is twitchy just thinking about finding the most skin-for-your-flick and we have quite the nudie-boots-list for you this month! From David Lynch’s favorite actresses to the Avengers most deadly foe, we’ve got a little something for everyone-- and we can’t wait to tell you all about it. Grab a TV Guide to wipe up your excess bodily fluids and please join us for:

SEXFLIX: The sexiest streaming movies & shows coming to NETFLIX, HBO GO, AMAZON PRIME, & HULU in APRIL 2016

Boogie Nights (1997)
Everyone knows that Marky Mark shows off his funky bunch, but we also all know that it’s really just a prosthetic pecker. No, the real star here is Heather Graham in an erection-winning performance as “RollerGirl”. We had all been waiting since License to Drive to see this ‘Porsche’ uncovered, and what’s under the hood is indeed magnificent.
(Netflix – March 1st

Game Of Thrones Season 6 (2016)
If you’re asking us: “But it hasn’t premiered yet, how do you know it has nudity?” then you clearly have never seen five minutes of any episode at any given time, ever.  We can guarantee there will be both a shocking and grotesque death AND a bevy of boobs, bush, and buttholes. Okay, maybe not the “holes” part but the alliteration was nice. 
(HBO-GO - series premiere -April 24th)

Vinyl (2016)
Olivia Wylde is goddess. We all agree on that. You can see her au naturel in this series, and that makes this series great. Do we know what it’s about? No. But did we mention she is pussy-naked? Yeah. GREAT series.
(HBO-GO - series finale - April 17th)

American Pie (1999)
Jesus Canadian Christ. We can’t go a single month without a mention of some connection to this horrible franchise-- and here is the facehugger of a flick that started it all. I mean, to be fair it does feature then-newcomer Shannon Elizabeth’s show-stopping breasts, so it can’t be all bad. *EDIT* We just re-watched the trailer, it’s all bad.
(HBO-GO - April 1st)

Dream Lover (1993)
If you want to see both of the hot-as-hell waitresses from Twin Peaks get nude—well, THIS is your month. You’ve already seen Heather Graham (Annie in Peaks) in Boogie Nights, so now feast your perverted eyeballs on Mädchen Amick (Shelly in Peaks) as see gets pussy-naked (what’s up with that?) and bangs the shit outta Ultron-- (a smokin’ young James Spader). 
(HULU - April 1st)

Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
Okay-- it’s got the governor from Walking Dead, and he’s a hottie—and he’s bumping uglies with a older-but-still-damn-smokin’ Sharon Stone. So, that’s worth a wank, right? The sex scenes are as intense as the acting is terrible and that means it’s REALLY intense.
(HULU - April 1st)

The Devil’s Advocate (1997)
We dunno. Although this one keeps with this month’s apparent mainstream-actresses-getting-pussy-naked theme, it’s really questionably sexy. Charlize Theron performs the aforementioned pussy-nakerey but it’s a chilling scene and there’s just so many scary-demon-faced-naked-nudes beforehand that it might just frighten the HELL outta your libido. (Hell. Get it? Ah, fuck you.)
(Amazon - April 1st)

Into the Blue (2005) 
Sometimes the sexiest movies don't need nudity. Case in point, Into The Blue. There are no boobs or butts, but the movie is 110 minutes long and Jessica Alba is wearing something skimpy in 107 of those minutes. Add in a few additional seductive shots of Ashley Scott wearing, you guessed it, something skimpy, and you're set. 
(HULU - April 1st)

Open Your Eyes (1997)
This is the film that introduces us to Penélope Cruz, the sexual senorita that would take the world (and Tom Cruise) by storm (for a couple years anyway, on both counts). She gets nudical as all-heck in this subtitled-flick and her hot & handsome boyfriend, Spanish actor Eduardo Noriega, gets to suckin’ on them sweater-puppies for a good 5 minutes, as well. Worth a watch? Hell yes, open your eyes!
(HULU - April 1st)

That’s it for this time, crude believers! But you can bet your wooden rocket that next month will usher in another sexual crop of mainstreaming skin-flix, so count on us to tell you when to lube up that remote control! Until then I’m Locke Van Kemp and I miss you already.

“Locke” is the writer of several nationally syndicated & critically acclaimed comic books, countless published short stories and the occasional questionable low budget movie. We at Woodrocket don't condone Locke's insanity, but we sure as hell enjoy reading it.