The summer blockbuster season is fast approaching with the arrival of the new Captain America extravaganza, which means the porn parodies of the summer blockbusters aren’t too far behind. Filled with the usual array of mutants, CIA agents, superheroes, and Vulcans, this summer promises to be the BIGGEST, MOST EXPLOSIVE one yet (Cut and repeat for years to come). With so many big-budget bonanzas released throughout the hot summer season, it's becoming increasingly difficult to tell which ones will thrive and which will go the way of The Adventures Of Pluto Nash (Spoiler Alert: it doesn't go well). There's only one surefire way of knowing in advance which will be hits and which will be misses – by rating their potential as a porn parody. After all, with the exception of John Carter XXX, it's usually pretty consistent. So let's find out which of the summer blockbusters would succeed.

X-Men Apocalypse (May 27th)
There is nothing sexier than combining cosplay, skin-tight bodysuits and slutty lookalikes for Olivia Munn, Jennifer Lawrence and Sophie Turner (who plays Sansa on Game Of Thrones). Everyone knows porn parodies of comic book characters do well and this one is certainly no exception. Join Professor Charles Xxxavier (Obviously) and his sexually charged, coming of age group of mutants against Smegneto and his band of... well does it really matter? Mutant Sex!

Porn Parody Potential: 8/10

Porn Name: XXX-Men A-poke-alyse

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of the Shadows (June 3rd)
Judging by the massive amount of exposure that came Woodrocket's way from Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles, it's safe to say that this Michael Bay sequel is going to be a GIGANTIC hit. Face it, we've all had very secret and very perverse fantasies about April O'Neil (Both the pornstar and also the channel 5 news reporter) and many of those fantasies involve the turtles coming out of their shell (literally AND figuratively... wink wink). 

Porn Parody Potential: 10/10

Porn Name: TMNT 2: The Secret Of The Splooge 

Warcraft (June 10) 
For over 20 years, Warcraft has been one of the most popular online games to the point where it has been metamorphosized into a collectable card game and, even more impressively, successfully mocked on an episode of South Park. But none of these achievements come close to the potential of a thriving movie franchise, which is what Blizzard and Universal Pictures are hoping for. Basically the story arc centers around an ongoing battle between upbeat and optimistic humans and lethargic and stubborn Orcs (at least that's how I remember them when I used to play). There's not a whole lot of women in the cast and all the dudes are just gonna be mad at every other dude. Also, everyone is gonna be dressed in bizarre outfits. It's pretty much gonna be like a Las Vegas club on Halloween.

Porn Parody Potential: 6/10 (Orc sex!)

Porn Name: Whorecraft

Independence Day Resurgence (June 24)
Many, many Independence Days ago, there was a porn parody of the original Independence Day called Inrearendence Day. It was terrible. The tagline is on the back of the box was “We've finally proven that there is sex on other planets”, but they didn't prove it because all the sex was on Earth. Basically the aliens wanted to do it in the butt because anal sex with considered illegal in the galaxy or something stupid. I could only imagine the sequel will involve bigger alien penises and more butts. Or maybe they came back and are into pegging? 

Porn Parody Potential: 7/10

Porn Name: Independence Day: Sexsurgence, Aliens Love Asses 

July 1: The Legend Of Tarzan
So the original story of Tarzan where he gets adopted by a bunch of animals in the jungle and grows up to stalk Jane would have worked, however, THIS incarnation is way more political and involves Samuel L Jackson and Christoph Waltz fighting a bunch of mother fuckin' guerrillas in the mother fuckin' Congo.  

Porn Parody Potential: 10/10 for the original premise, 3/10 for this one

Porn Name: The Sexin’ of Tarzan

July 15: Ghostbusters
Oh HELL yes! Four gals in cosplay teaming up to take down a demon... a SEX demon. “We came, we saw, we licked its ass.”

Porn Parody Potential: 10/10 and an extra slimer to boot

Porn Name: Ghost Nut Busters, Ghostfuckers

July 22: Star Trek Beyond
There have already been numerous Star Trek porn parodies in the past, but none for the new variation of the current film series. Well that's about to change. Chris Pine's Captain Kirk (Capt. Squirt) will bang 17 alien chicks and Zoe Saldana's Uhura (Uh-huh-ra) and Spock (Spuck) will have ridiculously sweaty Vulcan nerve pinching sexual relations. Boners (Bones) will invent a super pill that keeps you hard for days and the rest of the cast will refer to their balls as 'Tribbles'

Porn Parody Potential 12/10

Porn Name: Star Trek: Enter-her-Prize

August 5: Suicide Squad
A Joker/Harley Quinn sex scene may be the most fucked-up porn scene ever. Throw in Cara Jocelyn Delevingne as Enchantress and I’m ready to explode. 

Porn Parody Potential: 69/10

Porn Name: Screwicide Squad

August 5: Nine Lives
Kevin Spacey becomes a cat. Hey, it's a PUSSY PARTY!

Porn Parody Potential: 0/10

Porn Name: Sixty-Nine Lives (duh)

August 12: Sausage Party
With a name like Sausage Party, it's either already a porn or it's a Pixar film. Fortunately, considering that the cast consists of Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and the rest of those usual suspects, it's the latter. The movie is about a bunch of food products in a grocery store that realize the horrors of the death (i.e. they become dinner). It's like Michael Moore got contracted to work for Disney in an Orwellian Animal Farm sort of way. Unless you have a food fetish and/or a fetish for notoriously unattractive dudes, this has porn parody bust written all over it. 

Porn Parody Potential 2/10

Porn Name: Sausage Party... uh... XXX?