Words by Locke Van Kemp

We love comic books and we love sexy, so it’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup style when we get them both in the same place. With 2016 almost two months in the books, we knew it was finally time to kick out some 2016 research and give you crude believers a list of upcoming funny books that would tickle your privates. Take a look; it’s in a book, as we present:

Woodrocket’s Hottest Comic Books for 2016

A Train Called Love #4
Ah man, I loves, loves, loves me some Garth Ennis. The creator of the awarding winning Preacher has a new book and it’s just tits! It’s nothing that you could expect and yet everything you crave from the depraved mind that brought us the Boys, Hitman, and (originally) Crossed. This ventures into much more lighthearted and comical territory than say Crossed, but believe-you-me it’s got its fair share of killing, comical hi-jinks, shameful internet beastiality and BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES. Do yourself a favor and grab the first 3 issues now so that later you can tell people you’ve always known it was cool.

The Legend of Wonder Woman #1:
Why hot? Well, idiots, it’s Wonder Woman for starters. Didn’t you see her in that Batman v/s Super trailer? Stole the damn show! This book is written and illustrated by Renae De Liz who is known for the comic book illustrations in the Last Unicorn as well as her own book Lady Powerpunch. She’s got an amazing style (the New York Times agrees) and she’s a hottie herself! The book is a throw back to Diana’s origin with a modern take that we can’t wait to check out. Plus she ties people up and beats on them, so you know…HOT.

Airboy Deluxe Edition:
It’s got more dicks and tits than a season of Game of Thrones! Plus cocaine! Oh, yeah, that’s right, there’s soooo much cocaine. Mostly done off hooker’s jugs. What? Is this a porn comic? It is NOT. It is an Image Comic book that explores the dark side of creating comic books and the weird, sometimes unethical shit that can happen to you on the job. Oh, and there’s some fantastical character-gets-pulled-from-the-book-into-the-real-world elements, but also-- dicks and tits.

Poison Ivey” Cycle of Life and Death #1:
Poison Ivey lands a real job and has to balance being a Gotham botanist with her alter ego’s criminal playtime. Things get sticky when there’s a murder and it looks all “plants and poison and shit.” Why is it hot? Well, it’s a number one issue starring a fan-favorite character, but just-as-importantly-- have you seen Poison Ivey’s costume?! It’s basically just leaves and vines covering her naughty bits! You can call me the weed-eater!

Totally Awesome Hulk #2
Two words why it’s hot: FRANK CHO. If you don’t know who he is; google his art. There is not quite anyone who can draw women the way Frank does. Strong, curvy, imposing… (often naked!) Plus this book introduces the character of Amadeus Cho as the new, super-radical, life-loving and women-chasing Hulk… so it’s really just a perfect fit. One of Marvels most fun books, do yourself a favor and grab it from your local comic shop or I’ll be angry. And you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry, Mr. McGee. (wait, no, Hangry. I get HANGRY.)

Superman American Alien #3
Max Landis (yup, John Landis son, and scribe of the flick American Ultra) is writing one of the most talked about new series on racks! American Alien is early Clark Kent like you’ve never seen him (and shirtless 50% of the time.) This particular issue finds Kent onboard a luxury cruise liner where he’s mistaken for---check it---a young Bruce Wayne! Women be throwing Superman their panties! Read this thang and thank me later for the hotness.

That’ll do for this installment but check back here frequently, Crude Believers, as we aim to make this a regular installment where you can get all your comic book debauchery in one place! March looks to be a stellar month with the inclusion of the new book Tittie Dicks!* Until then, I’m Locke Van Kemp and I miss you already.

*Ed- Not a book. I mean, not unless Locke is writing it…

“Locke” is the writer of several nationally syndicated & critically acclaimed comic books, countless published short stories and the occasional questionable low budget movie. We at Woodrocket don't condone Locke's insanity, but we sure as hell enjoy reading it.