by Brian Williams (with some help by Lee Roy Myers)

FADE IN:

EXT. IRAQI SKIES – DAY

Journalist & awesomely giant-cocked handsome dude, Brian Williams, pilots a U.S. Military helicopter through the missile-explosion-filled sky over Iraq. The year is 2003, and the pilot/journalist still has that same impressive head of hair that he had in college, and everybody around him is focussed on it. So, when the rocket-propelled grenade hits the chopper, Williams is the only one that sees it coming.

WILLIAMS
(shouting at the passengers) Get down!

One of the passengers jumps out of the helicopter.

WILLIAMS
Not what I meant.

The smoke from the helicopter fire fills the interior. Everybody coughs. Except Williams.

SOLDIER 1
(coughing) How are you able to breathe, Mr. Williams?

WILLIAMS
Please, call me The B-Man.

Soldier 1 passes out. The other soldiers cough and wheeze and look scared. Not Williams.

SOLDIER 2
Frank? Frank? Is he dead, Mr. W--

Brian looks Soldier 2 straight in the eye with a scolding look.

SOLDIER 2
B-Man?

Brian smiles that million dollar smile.

WILLIAMS
No. I've got this.

Everyone looks on in confusion as Williams raises his hands and looks to the sky. His hands start shaking. An energy starts filling the smoky air. A ball of electricity and red lights fill his palms. It grows to the size of one of Williams' giant testicles (shot of large bulge in Williams' pants).

SOLDIER 2
What the fu--

Williams brings his arms down and throws the magical ball right into Soldier 1's unconscious face.

Soldier 1 wakes up with a deep breath.

Everyone looks at Williams in amazement.

WILLIAMS
What did you expect...from an X-Man.

Everybody applauds. Williams smiles that beautiful smile of his. He jumps out of the helicopter and floats it down to safety.

Once on the ground, a crowd of friendly Iraqi civilians gather around Williams and his passengers and applaud. Williams waves.

WILLIAMS
(modestly) If only I could save you all.

Williams sheds a tear. He looks up at the people and notices a very beautiful Iraqi woman standing out from the crowd.

IRAQI WOMAN
You are an angel?

Williams smiles.

WILLIAMS
No ma'am. I'm a journalist.

She smiles back.

WILLIAMS
And an X-Man.

She looks down at his bulge.

WILLIAMS
A XXX-Man.

CROSSFADE:

Williams makes love to the Iraqi Woman. Her pleasure is heard throughout Iraq. Williams pops all over her butt.

FADE OUT: