By Layne Hunters
I must admit, when it comes to porn, I’m more of a “leave it up to the professionals” kind of gal, but like a fiery multi-car accident or the latest internet cat sensation, one can’t help but be curious about “leaked” celebrity sex tapes. The good ones can get you off, the bad ones…well let's just say hopefully they didn't quit their day jobs.
Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee
This was THE celebrity sex tape of the ‘90s. Let’s go back to a simpler time. A time when the country was worried about whether or not the president had his dick sucked by a chubby intern. The year was 1998. Boy bands ruled the airwaves and a cute little honeymoon video of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee was leaked. At this point, saying you haven’t seen this classic celeb sex tape is like saying you’ve never seen Pulp Fiction. Undoubtedly, the top moment of this vid has to be Tommy Lee steering a boat with his cock.
Paris Hilton and Rick Salomon
1 Night in Paris had better night vision footage than the initial bombings of Iraq during Desert Storm. Unfortunately, like Desert Storm, a lot of folks came back from watching this sex tape with PTSD. Paris, the hotel heiress and celebrity man whore, Rick Salomon, go at it in various positions, but this tape’s highlight is Paris’ beej technique. Released in 2004, before Paris Hilton hit the small screen with Nicole Ritchie in The Simple Life, it can be regarded as a catalyst for her career despite a messy lawsuit with her former fuck buddy over its release.
Tila Tequila and Some Chicks
The bisexual, flash-in-the-pan reality star has done a few sex tapes (one with her boyfriend…zzz), because she can’t be left out of the D-list spotlight, but Uncorked has the proud distinction of being the first celebrity sex tape featuring an all-girl-threesome.
Montana is absolutely stunning and horny as fuck to boot! Too bad her famous father put a stop to her career before it even got off the ground. Needless to say, other things got off because of Montana.
Kim Kardashian and Ray J
Who knew that screwing Brandy’s little brother would kick start your career and help you become the most loved/hated reality star? Before screwing Reggie Bush and eventually marrying hip hop’s biggest douchebag, Kim was seen getting down hardcore with Ray J. While the tape didn’t do much for the struggling rapper, Kim made around $5 mil on it.
Dustin Diamond and Some Dumb Chicks
If someone asked you the question, “Which character from 'Saved By The Bell' would you most want to see having sex?”, the last choice would probably be Screech. Hell, even Mr. Belding had more sex appeal (he also was a principal, so you know that desk saw some action). Unfortunately for us ‘80s and ‘90s kids, we weren’t able to see a Kelly Kapowski sex tape, but to try to make a quick buck (Literally, ONE buck, who the hell would actually buy a Dustin Diamond sex tape?) Dustin Diamond released a sex tape with him and a few girls who are most certainly in therapy now. Oh yeah, one more thing - Dirty Sanchez.
Fred Durst and “Unknown Woman”
This sex tape was leaked by a computer repairman and features the nu-metal bro going at it with an unknown woman. I’d want to be unknown too if I was seen having sex with Fred Durst. What makes this sex tape bad/fucking hilarious is that it's only 3 minutes long!
Kid Rock, Scott Stapp and a bunch of Chicks With Apparently NO Standards
If given the choice of death, or having sex with Kid Rock and Scott Stapp, I’d choose death with arms wide open. Yes, I just quoted a shitty Creed song and yes, Scott Stapp is the singer of said shitty band.
Verne Troyer and Ranae Shrider
I’m all for equal rights for all individuals, so I’m not putting the Verne Troyer sex tape on the bad list, because he’s a little person acting like the Little Engine Who Couldn’t Get It Up while attempting to fuck a regular-sized chick…Eh, maybe I am putting it on this list for that reason only.
Layne Hunters is a Boston born, certified organic, tomboy femme lesbian. When she's not creating smut for us, she's producing and writing films (of the non-humping variety). She has worked as a blogger for numerous websites, and as a copywriter for the wine and spirits industry. Yes, she can get free booze. No, she will not hook you up. Listen to her shenanigans at hourofthunder.podomatic.com