Words by Jackei Sullen

We currently live in the golden age of porn, where there are dozens of genres that cater to specific audiences, millions of films, and even the option of fapping with the help of virtual reality if we really wanted to. We've come a long way since the days when downloading your favorite flick took at least a good 10 minutes and we have to give credit to the industry where it's due. With that being said, lets not neglect the fact that there are also some serious flaws within porn's inner workings and tend to aggravate the hell out of most viewers.

1. Excessively Elaborate Storylines

Dear Scriptwriters of x-rated films:

It's understandable that you sometimes feel inclined to go that extra mile to display your artistic creativity, but sadly, your efforts won't receive nearly as much appreciation in this particular genre. Less will always be more and oscar-worthy storylines are not expected. Very rarely is a script so unbearable that it deters people from watching. This stems from the fact that no one watches porn to experience the highs and lows of it all. Outside of arousal, there's just not a strong desire to feel. Honestly, it's a waste of valuable footage.

Most of the time, my finger remains glued to the fast forward button until I see nude people making some sort of physical contact. I show zero interest in how the two (or 10) met, nor how it got to the point of them wanting to bang each other. I just want to watch.

Sincerely,

An avid viewer of porn

2. When It's Through Fault of the Cameraman

Terrible Angles & Shaky Camera Work
Awkward angles where you can barely make out what's going on are the worst and unless a 6.0 earthquake has taken place during filming, there's really no excuse for shotty camera work. You had one job, dude.

When They're Overly Involved & Won't Shut Up
The overly vocal cameramen are practically the stage moms of the porn world - they mean well, but once they feel inclined to engage in light conversation with the actors throughout the film it becomes a nuisance.

3. Focusing on the Undesired in Heterosexual Porn

While there is a vast array of things that men love about porn, the most common complaints that straight gentlemen seem to share include: The camera zooming in on the male star's intense "O" face, unsolicited yet intentional asshole shots of the men, and close-ups of dudes jerking off with the girl nowhere to be found - because then it's basically a straight bro jerking off to another.

Personally, as a somewhat habitual watcher of porn who so happens to be female, these things have never been much of a deal breaker, but I can attest that they do occur in straight porn and often.

girl watching TV

4. Fake Moaning /Over Acting

When it comes to fake moans, sometimes they go undetected by even the most seasoned viewer, but it's most evident when it happens either one of two ways:

A) Extremely over the top; she's been penetrated by 1/4 of a centimeter of the guy's cock for 0.0002 seconds and howling like she's in a threesome with James Deen and John Holmes.

B) Appearing to be almost purposely insincere with no real attempt to pass their "woes of passion" off as convincing whatsoever.

Moaning just tends to be more appealing when it's candid... either that or the actress possesses superb acting skills. The only thing worse is when there's absolutely no noise at all. Unless mime porn is your thing, then you pretty much go unaffected.

5. Cheesy Music

While music found its way in into the industry during the 70's and 80's, its being featured in movies took a steep dive with the probable cause being that no one ever really associated disco and contemporary jazz with eroticism in the first place. Yet, this never stops the occasional director from trying to assist its godforsaken comeback.

6. Censored Genitals

Seeing as this is mostly a problem that occurs with Japanese porn, it's probably something that very few have had the displeasure of dealing with. In the mood for tentacle porn? - No problem. Tits and ass? - Have at it. Now, ask for visible genitalia and uncensored penetration and that's where your luck runs out. Granted, we're not completely oblivious to what's going on beneath the layer of pixelated bullshit, but it actually kind of defeats the purpose and takes some of the fun out of watching it in general - no?

Buffering

7. Long Buffering Periods

Granted, it's not the 1990's anymore, and since it's no longer the same decade as when Columbia House was peddling 11 cassettes for a penny, or when we were possessing inferior technology such as dial-up modems that forbid you from simultaneously making a phone call and being on the internet, this is something that doesn't happen nearly as often. But, it's still a thing, which is exactly why it sucks even more when it occurs unexpectedly and has the potential to be a complete buzzkill.

So there you have it. If there's something that I forgot to mention that you absolutely despise about one of America's favorite pastimes? Sound off below and for my sake, don't skimp out on the details

Jackei is an aspiring pathologist and a content writer for a plethora of online entertainment blogs. Her pastimes include dabbling in special makeup effects, randomly shouting compliments at strangers in public, and skillfully deep throating flaming batons (she practices the art of fire breathing/swallowing). Feel free to stalk her on twitter as much as your little hearts desire: @Jackei_Sullen