Words by Seth's Beard

Ah the joys of Valentine's Day. Romance is in the air, birds are singing and the flowers are in bloom. For those who have found that special someone, Valentine's Day is a day where you truly appreciate love. But for those who haven't found your soulmate yet, fear not. Here's a list of 10 foods you can stick up your butt. (Warning: We don't actually advise sticking any of these up your butt)

Banana
The classic choice in terms of shape, size and potassium requirement.

Carrot
The shape is a less exaggerated version of a butt plug. Different sizes on each end means options galore!

BBQ Ribs
Not the ideal bone, but effective nonetheless. Baby Back and Spareribs are good for the beginner while St Louis cut are more ideal for the seasoned vets.

Bread Sticks
Whether it's the harder bread sticks sold in grocery stores or the soft, buttery ones at Olive Garden, it's everything you could imagine when it comes to shoving foods up your ass. Make sure you're not allergic to gluten beforehand.

Corn On The Cob
From the shape to the bumpy, “ribbed” effect, Corn on the Cob is effective providing you've already shoved some pretty substantially-sized items in your rectum before. Butter it up for easier insertion.

Sweet Potato French Fries
Regular fries won't work (well, maybe crinkle cut ones). Only sweet potato. Why? They just taste better.

Churros
Ideal size although we have no idea how the cinnamon would feel. It could be like a new cinnamon challenge!

Hot Dogs
Nothing beats a good ol' fashioned ballpark frank! Hot Dogs are made out of other animal butts so they're already accustomed to the area. Up for a challenge? Go buy the footlongs!

Popsicle
Perfect if extreme temperature swings turn you on. When done, you can save the popsicle sticks for later projects – oh... like making a giant popsicle stick butt dildo!

Twix Bar
You can go with any number of chocolate bars, but depending on girth concerns, Twix may be the best way to ease yourself in. The best part? The chocolate coating covers up any poop that comes out.